5 Questions Single Women Hate
...and how I react to each of them
The thoughts in my head: Bitch. I know this, and from the way your husband looks at me, he knows this too. Do you really think I am not capable of doing something so elementary as finding a date? And I swear if she utters another foolish question, I will banish her to the depths of oblivion and never speak to her again.
What My Mouth Says: I know, girl! I’m just too busy, but you’ll be the first one I call when I’m ready.
What’s really going on: I have a list of priorities I would like to take care of, and a man is not on that list, at least not right now. I also do not live my life based on societal norms. I get it. Being married in my early 30’ and having kids is what many women desire, but not me. I am built differently. We are not the same.
My Brain: …and girl, you’re not picky enough!
What My Mouth Says: I know! I’m working on it!
What’s really going on: Trust me. I’m not that picky and looking at my past boyfriends is proof. I am just not in the market and currently enjoy my freedom. I don’t have time for distractions, and honestly, I love my life. At this point, I am a firm believer that if any woman “needs” a man to complete her life, then she should reassess herself because a man should complement you, not complete you.
My Brain: Here we go again.
What My Mouth Says: There is no such thing as lonely places. There are only lonely people.
What’s really going on: I do not play when it comes to this question. No one, male or female, will ever step foot into my Queendom and try to power-play me. I shut this question down fast. It’s my way of letting them know that the park is just down the street if they want to play games.
My Brain: Lord, grant me the patience to deal with this idiot.
What My Mouth Says: (I have two responses for this)
Hopefully, next year. I just need to find a sperm donor. Do you know of any? (The ladies love this, and after a bit of laughter, it’s a dead subject)
My vagina is broken (I use this response if a woman asks the “kids” question in front of their better half. The level of discomfort in their faces is priceless, and they usually never return. Besides, I don’t need friends like this.)
My Brain: Stop lying. Marriage is not easy you buffoon.
What My Mouth Says: I bet it is and I could only imagine it for now. Tell me more about your marriage. I’m fascinated.
What’s really going on: I don’t like liars, and anyone who tells me getting married is the best choice I will ever make is clearly a liar. I am by no means a marriage-hater, but please do not tell me that it is the best choice I ever make. The best choice I will ever make are the ones that align themselves with my personality.